I Thought I Was Fine…. Until I Wasn’t

The other morning, I made a post about carrying it all with joy. And I meant that. I even made a list of everything I’ve been carrying. Not in a complaining way, not in a stressed-out way, because honestly, I didn’t feel stressed. I just felt capable, like I could handle it. I didn’t even label it as stress. I just called it life. But by the evening, my body told a different story. I crashed. Out of nowhere, I got hit with a migraine so heavy I couldn’t function. It wasn’t just a headache, it felt like the weight of everything I’d been carrying all at once. I couldn’t push through it; I couldn’t ignore it. I had to stop. And in that moment, it was like God was gently but clearly saying, “Give it to Me. Release it to Me, and let Me take over.” What shocked me the most was this: I didn’t even realize I had been trying to carry it all on my own. I didn’t know I was holding so much. I didn’t even recognize that, in a small way, I had stepped into a position that is only meant for God. Trying to manage it all. Trying to keep it all together. Trying to be everything at once. And that’s not what God ever asked of me.

Later that night, I got in the shower. No distractions. Just me, God, and worship music playing in the background. I started to pray and I began to cry… and cry… and cry. At some point, words weren’t even enough anymore and I began to let my spirit speak. I stayed there, in His presence letting everything pour out. Every weight, every responsibility, every hidden pressure I didn’t even realize I was holding. And when it was over, I felt different, lighter, and free in a way I can’t fully explain. It was like something broke off of me, and peace rushed in to take its place. The truth is, sometimes we don’t even realize we’ve taken control away from God, until our body forces us to stop.

We have to have balance. Everything doesn’t have to be done in one day. And we don’t have to carry every weight just because we can. God promised us rest. Not just sleep, but real rest. Rest in His presence, rest in His Spirit, rest in knowing that we don’t have to hold everything together because God already is. His Word says He will wipe every tear. That one day, there will be no more pain, no more suffering, no more worry. That’s the promise. But until then, we have to learn how to let go. To release control, even when we don’t realize we’re holding it.

Prayer:

Father, forgive me for the moments I tried to carry what only You can handle. Teach me how to rest in You. Help me to release control and trust Your plan, even when I don’t recognize my own strength fading. Thank You for meeting me in my breaking and turning it into freedom. I give it all back to You. In Jesus name, Amen.